Why’s it so hard to ask for help?

Asking for help can be difficult. It can feel like we’re admitting defeat or personal failure. It can be hard because self-reliance is ingrained in our culture. Some of us come from families in which asking for help was frowned on because of our gender or was even punished as a means of “building character.”

Going it alone is OK sometimes, but it’s also a much rougher road—and one that often leads to stress, resentment, and burnout.

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We’re not weak because we ask for help. In fact, accepting advice and guidance is how successful people achieve their goals! 

World-renowned athletes win medals in part because of training by their coaches. Best-selling authors and internationally respected scholars credit their editors and reviewers for improving their work. Business executives need support from consultants and leadership coaches to climb the corporate ladder.

Just like the pros we admire, every individual deserves guidance and help. And try not to think of it as imposing on others. Coaches, faculty, tutors, campus support staff, and counselors are all professionals whose job is to provide assistance so we can succeed.

Now you have an idea of why to ask for help, but how do you do it? Let’s break it down.

Know thyself

Reflect on your strengths and weaknesses: When you think back on your education so far, what went right? What didn’t go as planned? Examining your experiences honestly can help you determine what you want to improve. Maybe you need better strategies for learning the material. Perhaps maintaining motivation is the issue. Or maybe procrastination is keeping you back, so you need to work on time management. Determining what kind of guidance you need can help you sort out who you need to reach out to for help.

SMS as SOS

This is perhaps the most crucial step: You have to do the work of asking for help because others are unlikely to know that you need it. So if you have questions, are experiencing self-doubt, or are outright struggling, advocate for yourself! Talk to classmates. Connect with a Success Coach who can help orient you to services on and off campus. Ask your campus librarians questions via text or email. Show up at your professor’s office hours. Make an appointment at counseling or career services. Inquire how to schedule a peer-tutoring session at your school’s academic support center.

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Make sure you reach out and send out that SOS. You might be surprised at how much help is there to support you. 

Why ask for help?

• It’s crucial for success.
• It makes work, school, and life easier.
• It improves confidence.
• It builds relationships.
• It shows that you value growth.
• It increases motivation.
• It helps you navigate change. 

How to ask for help

IDENTIFY THE HELP YOU NEED

What’s going right? What hasn’t gone as planned? Evaluating your experiences honestly can reveal what you need to improve and who to reach out to for help.

REACH OUT

If you don’t ask for help, others may not know you need or want it. You might be surprised by how much help is available to support you.

DON'T WAIT FOR A CRISIS

In school, work and life, help is available at all stages of the journey. And the earlier you seek guidance, the more likely you’ll prevent–or at least be prepared for–any major setbacks.

FIND THE RIGHT FIT

If you’re not quite finding the help you need, keep looking and asking for it. Your success is worth finding the support that best fits with your personality, needs and goals.

Get help whenever you need it

Help is available at all steps of your education journey, not just when you’re in panic mode. You can seek guidance while you’re getting started, as you’re learning the ropes, in the middle of projects and assignments, when you’re experiencing self-doubts or developing questions, and after you’ve had setbacks.

That said, the earlier you seek assistance, the better. Think of it like preventative medicine: if you visit your physician for regular check-ups, you can learn how to develop healthy habits and detect warning signs before they become major issues.

Similarly, tutoring is available when you’re in the midst of learning a subject; it’s not intended solely for learners after they’ve failed an assignment or exam. And counseling is available if you need strategies for preventing stress and burnout, not just when you’re in the midst of a mental-health crisis.

Find the right fit

So you’ve asked for help, but you’re not quite finding the support you need. What now?

Keep looking and asking for help. It can take work to find the right fit, but your success is worth finding the support that best aligns with your personality, needs, and goals.

Asking for and even receiving help can sometimes make us feel vulnerable. But remember that that discomfort is a sign of growth and strength! To grow, we have to leave our comfort zone to try new things, figure out what works (and doesn’t work!), and put the things we’ve learned, such as go-to resources and useful life strategies, into regular practice. Many of us have found that asking for and accepting help can be huge boosts to both motivation and self-confidence.

Remember: you don’t have to take on difficult journeys alone. Self-advocacy is all about being proactive, and it’s a crucial part of success, both in school and in life.